New Trend Alert! Taking a Flat Iron to Your Pubes

By Crystal Silva

Ladies! Gents! Non-binary folks! There’s a new fashion trend rearing its head this coming fall—straightening your hair.

Now, I know what you’re thinking, “Haven’t we seen this trend before?” Well, that’s where you’re wrong. I’m not talking about frying your hair off in middle school.

I’m talking about pubes, baby.

That’s right. Pubes. They’re all the rage right now. Cut ‘em. Dye ‘em. Iron ‘em. Style those suckers up.

Imagine the look on your partner’s face when they see your long flowing tresses… down there! Nothing is sexier than when the carpet matches the drapes. Or when the carpet’s got that just-singed smell to it.

Don’t believe me? Here’s what our experts have to say about it:

“Pube frying? Hot.”

— Gianni Versace

“Straightening my pubes elongated them by about three feet. They’ve never looked so lustrous and voluminous. I highly recommend it.”

— Carol Folt

“Cool.”

— Dolce (Gabbana declined to make a statement)